“Excuses are like assholes, we all have them, and they all stink.” I first heard this blunt yet memorable phrase in high school, and while it wasn’t the kind of language I typically used, it stuck with me.
The speaker wasn’t the originator of the quote, but its truth lingers. I’ve realized that excuses are often viewed as cop-outs and that, in most cases, explanations are more effective in moving situations forward.
Whether to offer an excuse or an explanation depends on what the other person needs. This is where emotional intelligence—knowing when to set ego aside—comes into play.
An excuse tends to deflect responsibility. It may be true, but it doesn’t always satisfy the other person’s desire for understanding.
On the other hand, an explanation offers context. It says, “Here’s why this happened,” without shirking accountability. Explanations often defuse tension, especially if delivered with an open invitation: “May I explain how this happened?”
Even then, timing is everything. Sometimes, the other person isn’t ready to hear an explanation. They may need space to process their feelings, and pushing an explanation too soon can feel like making excuses. Again that’s when emotional intelligence is key—reading the room and assessing whether your explanation will help or hinder.
At times, people do want both an excuse and an explanation. While they rarely ask for an excuse, understanding the reason for the delay or error, followed by how it happened, can build trust. But as a rule, people usually want a resolution, and excuses often serve little purpose in resolving the issue at hand.
When in doubt, ask yourself: What does this person need right now? Do they want to hear an excuse, or are they seeking clarity? Choosing emotional intelligence over ego can help you make the right call, leaving room for better conversations—and better outcomes—later on.
Two Links Du Jour:
Explanation vs. Excuse: Understanding the Difference – Calm
Using Emotional Intelligence and Addressing Excuses – The Alignment Alchemist
Two Minutes Du Jour 