Small talk often gets a bad rap, with many dismissing it as shallow and unengaging. However, when approached thoughtfully, it can be a powerful tool for connection and even lead to meaningful relationships.
Beyond the Basics: Engaging Topics
Popular scripts dominate small talk: comments about traffic, the weather, and the inevitable “So, what do you do?” Instead of defaulting to these, consider leading with inquiries related to your interests. Adam Smiley Poswolsky, author of Friendship in the Age of Loneliness: An Optimist’s Guide to Connection, suggests asking a barista about their favorite beverage or a party acquaintance if they’ve watched the newest season of a show of The Bear. Preparing a list of topical and authentic questions can make interactions more engaging.
Observations as Openers
If questions feel too probing, try starting with a statement or observation. Commenting on the length of a line, praising someone’s dog, or complimenting a an outfit. Research by Hillary Wiener, assistant professor of marketing at the University at Albany, found that comments on products or items, like a band T-shirt or colorful hat, often lead to better conversations than discussing the weather. These observations suggest common ground and shared interests, making it easier to connect.
It’s OK to Talk About the Weather
Despite its reputation, discussing the weather can be valuable. Miles Bryan, a senior producer and reporter for Today, Explained, finds weather talk to be a shared experience that connects people without pressure.
Listening Makes it Easier to Have a Conversation
Elevating small talk to meaningful conversation involves active listening. Use details shared by others to ask follow-up questions, showing genuine interest in their experiences. Poswolsky emphasizes that curiosity about another person’s life encourages them to share more, deepening the conversation.
Navigating Awkwardness
Every conversation can encounter roadblocks. If small talk with a stranger veers off course or becomes boring, redirect the topic or politely excuse yourself. For potentially contentious discussions, clearly state if you’re uncomfortable. Both parties need to be engaged for small talk to be productive.
The Joy of Small Talk
Small talk can be delightful and even lead to significant opportunities. It can make waiting in line more enjoyable, become your superpower at parties, or even spark a new friendship or career move. As Bryan suggests, don’t rush to the big stuff—sometimes staying small can be just as rewarding.
So, next time you find yourself in a small talk situation, embrace it as an opportunity to connect, learn, and potentially transform a mundane moment into something meaningful. Who knows? It might lead to a new friendship, and at the very least, you might learn something interesting.
Two Links Du Jour
The Art of Small Talk – 8 Tips for Improving Your Conversation Skills — Toastmasters International
Two Minutes Du Jour 
3 responses to “Small Talk Sucks, Or Does It?”
Thanks for sharing this topic! I was involved in Toastmasters for many years during my early biz days and it helped me with my conversation and speaking skills. I enjoyed the link on 8 tips for improved skills and shared it with my kids who are entering their formidable business years.
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Often when I’m impressed by someone’s speaking, I later find out they’ve been part of Toastmasters. It’s such a good resource for learning how to convey ideas with confidence and clarity, which is all part of becoming a good conversationalist.
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