The Horizon of Friendship: Lessons Learned Over Time by Margaret Arnold
Friendships evolve with age, and now in my 60s, I am reflecting on the landscape of my friendships. Though the horizon can shift, I have embraced friendship’s simplicity and true essence.
Early Lessons in Friendship
My elementary school years taught me friendship basics through shared neighborhood adventures:
- What a friend is
- How to share
- How to host friends
Expanding Horizons
Beginning in middle school, friendships extended beyond my neighborhood. Meeting friends further away and attending a high school outside of my community and an all-women’s college 30 minutes away (it seemed further back then!), exposed me to new environments and friendship experiences:
- Handling competitiveness
- Navigating different interests and values
- Living with and supporting others
- Coping with friendship changes and losses
Lifelong Connections
Post-college, my career and outside interests brought me lasting friendships. These relationships have been the most deeply rewarding and taught me:
- Valuing mutual motivation and support
- Sharing knowledge to grow together
- Enjoying shared interests outside of work – running groups, book clubs, outdoor adventures, etc.
- Learning to have friends of different generations – being mentored and mentoring
- Prioritizing work and family without resentment
- Forgiving time lapses in reconnecting
The Essence of Friendship
As our children’s classmates’ parents and community friendships we have made along the way have shifted and become more limited due to distance, changing interests, availability or, in some cases, passing on, I have found this to be a more troubling time to navigate and let go of friendships. However, it has also clarified the true essence of a good friendship.
I recently explored more about friendships in The New York Times “Five-Day Friendship Challenge.” A few takeaways:
- Put friendships on “autopilot” by scheduling regular check ins. Since the Covid-19 pandemic, I have seen more invitations for regular “walk and talk” dates either in person or virtually. For example, I have a standing early morning virtual walk and talk each Tuesday with a dear friend. A 90-minute walk and catch up is a win-win.
- Reminisce with old friends. Marisa G. Franco, a psychologist and the author of a book about maintaining friendships, says the easiest way to make new friends may be to reconnect with old friends. Pull out those old photos, cards and letters and get back in touch with an old friend.
- Be vulnerable by asking a friend a probing question or confide with someone new. During a recent work project with a new client, I formed a new friendship through mutual sharing, curiosity and connection.
Nedra Glover Tawwab, a bestselling author on relationships and boundaries, recently wrote about the importance of developing “grown-up relationships.” Her evergreen advice includes not being afraid to make the first move and removing boxes that limit us in finding new friends.
My friendships today are simpler and more focused, shaped by years of understanding myself, what I value, where I can best serve, who brings out the best in me, and where and when my family needs me. They align with all I’ve learned about working on and cherishing meaningful connections new and old.
Two Links Du Jour:
The Five-Day Friendship Challenge by Catherine Pearson, a reporter for The New York Times on relationships.
Grown-Up Friends and Maybe You Need More Friends by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Two Minutes Du Jour 
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