I’d like to say my husband and I had an interesting conversation while hiking, but alas, we were running suburban errands yesterday. Nonetheless, it was an insightful conversation. He brought up the idea of “being yourself” – that you’re the same person no matter where you are yet somehow it seems like people struggle with that.
It reminded me of the concepts in don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements.
Based on Toltec wisdom, the teachings provide a framework that always brings me back to equilibrium. Many people struggle with authenticity, often compartmentalizing their personalities and holding back, leading to inner conflict and consternation. The Four Agreements offer relief.
- Be Impeccable with Your Word: This agreement means that our words and actions must align, and when they don’t, we hurt our relationships with others and ourselves. Our words have immense power, so we should use them carefully, avoiding negativity and self-sabotage.
- Don’t Take Anything Personally: Ruiz teaches that taking things personally sets us up for suffering. He likens it to “eating someone else’s emotional garbage.” We can free ourselves from unnecessary emotional turmoil by not internalizing others’ opinions or actions. For example, when my kids faced bullies on the school bus, I would talk to them about this agreement. I helped them understand that maybe the other kids were having a bad day. This perspective helped my children see it wasn’t about them while creating empathy for others.
- Don’t Make Assumptions: Clear communication transforms relationships and eliminates misunderstandings. Once, I thought my boss was unhappy with my work, but when I asked, I found out he was going through a rough patch in his personal life. Having that conversation put things in perspective.
- Always Do Your Best: Our best varies day to day based on our circumstances, but striving to do our best at any given moment prevents self-judgment and regret. Whether at work or in my personal life, this principle has helped me stay motivated and compassionate toward myself.
The Four Agreements, and Ruiz’s many other teachings, help us break down self-limiting behaviors and replace them with practices that bring personal freedom, happiness, and love. When we do this, we can be ourselves and experience joy.
Two Links Du Jour:
Do You Have a Different Personality at Work and Home? – Fast Company
Being Your Authentic Self is Easier Said than Done But is Well Worth It – BetterUp
Two Minutes Du Jour 
You must be logged in to post a comment.